I have never wanted kids. One of my step mom’s favorite stories to tell is of when I was 3 years old I asked her, “Why would anyone ever want to have kids?!”
Begrudgingly I admit to all of those people who told me, “You’ll change your mind” or “You will when you’re older” …you are right. I have changed my mind. I’m getting married in seven months. I met the man of my dreams. A guy that makes me feel excited and inspired and loved and supported and completely at peace. And a guy that I plan on having children with.
Because the wedding is getting close and for a lack of a better phrase, sh*t is about to get real, I’ve been thinking more and more about being a mother. I’ve struggled with anorexia and bulimia for almost 16 years and am continuously working on my recovery. Most of my reservations about having a family has developed through my eating disordered mind. I was afraid of my body drastically changing. I was afraid of having to eat in a way that may be uncomfortable to ensure a healthy birth. But most of all, I am afraid of passing my eating disorder on to my child.
I don’t want these fears to hold me back from starting a family with the love of my life. He’s going to be a wonderful father and I don’t want to take that away from him. And I will be a good mother. I don’t want to take that away from me.
So to my unborn child, I want you to know this…
You are enough. Never let anyone make you feel different. Not me, not your teachers, friends, partners. No one. Understand and know that. You are enough. Exactly as you are.
Perfection will rob you of a well-lived life. Always do your best. Give everything you do the time and effort it deserves. Set great goals for yourself. But do not make your happiness dependent on being perfect. Focus on the process, not the results. The journey is where your happiness lays.
Don’t let fear get in your way. I’m sure your dad will tell you countless times that fear is a liar as he has told me many times before. Fear will make you doubt yourself. Fear will tell you you can’t. I will tell you you can until you can believe it for yourself. Because you can do anything.
Always try new things. Empower yourself with experiences and adventures. Take risks, learn all that you can, travel. Take any opportunity you can to show up in this life. Be a person with beautiful stories to tell. Your grandfather will tell you, “honey, you got life by the balls.”
You can create change. In your own life and in the world. If you do not agree with what’s happening around you, you can stand up to it. When you see wrong, you have the ability to fight for what is right. If your life is going in a direction that you don’t want, you can choose a different path for yourself.
The way you look isn’t important. I promise. Put your energy into the things that add value to your life. Your relationships with friends and family. Helping people. Learning new skills and lessons. These are things that will cultivate self esteem. Your dad always tells me, “to build self esteem, you must do esteem-able things.” The way you look is no measure of your worth or place in this world.
Don’t deny help. Independence is important, but greatness is seldom achieved alone. Seek fellowship, mentorship, and community. And value each relationship you have. Success is hard to enjoy by yourself.
Don’t worry about what people think of you. Not everyone is going to like you and that’s ok. There are plenty of people who love you. Be weird. Be loud. Be however you are. Just always be authentic.
Remain grateful. For everything that you have. You have more than most. Let people know of your gratitude for them. This will take you far.
Be kind. To yourself and to the world. Don’t let the mirror, or your missteps, or the cold people in this world to make you mean. There is always opportunity to be kind.
You are powerful. You are strong. You are loved. And you are enough.
Love and light,